Maisie's Whatever Blogs...

breathe

2004-12-20T16:38:00.000-08:00

I can now breathe for the the first time
Since I last saw you
How I feel for you is just indescribable
How I hated you is just unbelievable
But you made me feel this way
When you shut your door and closed your eyes
To a love thats knocking at your heart
I'd love you dearly
I cared for you sincerely
But then you ended my fairytale
When you left me pressed against the cold wall
Wondering if you'll ever call
Go now and leave me alone
I can't believe I fell for your love song
Your words played on my mind
Your voice cleared my soul
I fell for the wrong person
Now I'm taking back my life
The life I have long forgotten
I dont want to hear you sing
For your voice is the last thing I wanna hear
Im walking out that door
Into the great unknown
But whatever its worth
I know this time
I can finally breathe for the first time.

(12-20-04/ 2308H-)

PARIS HERE I COME!!!!

2004-12-19T04:35:00.000-08:00

I’ll be going to Paris after I graduate from law school. I told my mom that I’ll be spending a month there. You just don’t know how excited I am. Ever since I was a little kid I’ve always dreamt of having a stamp in my passport that says PARIS! And now she finally agreed to send me away. It’ll be two years from now but what the heck? I could already see myself walking around the fashion capital of the world. Probably from there I will be starting to plan my future.. and who knows what will happen? I might fall in love with the place and decide to stay there for good….

2004-12-19T04:33:00.000-08:00

MORE
December 19, 2004 1230H

Its been a while since I last saw you
Even so you still captivate me
You’re still the cure for my loneliness
You’re still the beat of my heart
I wish someday I’ll see you
No longer in love with somebody else
Instead take my breath away
And steal my heart
You’re so amazing how can you leave me cold?
And not matter which way I’ll go
Why are you cruel to the one who loves you?
I keep on questioning this heart of mine
I can’t get any answers
Tell me now
Did you just deceive me?
Just to hurt my pride
Still I love you
You’re so amazing
I couldn’t let you go
Forever you’ll remain my love
Someday we’ll see each other
Hoping that next time
You’ll see me in a different light
Take my breath away and don’t let go
For that next time
I’ll love you even more.

leaving it all behind....

2004-11-21T06:44:00.000-08:00

I'm leaving the memories of the past. Im now moving on with a smile on my face... Finally, I'm free....

Who am I?

2004-11-20T20:35:00.000-08:00

Im that girl who stood behind the vending machine
And ate the rest of your choco-fudge sundae
Probably you hear my silly laugh
IN the halls of your imagination
I sing in silence
I dance with no music
I adore the raindrops
Whenever it touches my skin
Didn't you notice?
I was the one who hugged you dearly
Never ever wanting to let go
I'm a crazy girl
Wanting a simple life
Eating cherries in the middle of the night
And drinking coke till the moon is out of sight
Im that girl who messed up your schedule
And who asks you to drive me around
Up to the highest part of the road
THen to the middle of the river
Who am I?
TO myself?
To you?
Help me kick this vending machine
HEre is your choco-fudge sundae
As i kiss your pain away
My heart stoped for a moment
I looked at you and asked
Who am I to you?
But...
Hush now for i dont want to know
IM your crazy girl
Who adores your cute nose
IM this girl
Who laughs at your jokes
Who inspires your day
I'm just a girl
Living in your world
Waiting and longing.
Who am I?
I dont know
But, wanting to know....

Unfinished #1

2004-11-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

(This poem is still unfinished... anyway, im putting it here... I guess thats what makes this piece special.. )

I never meant to hurt you
I never intended to do you wrong
Hear my plea
And dont ignore me
What we have
Transcends any fleeting fancy...

Unsent #2

2004-11-20T20:29:00.000-08:00

To: You

If I could steal that pain I would. I wanna see that smile on your face - then I'll be happy. Hey you, how can I help ya?

From: Me

Confession ng isang ex-gaga Girl...

2004-11-20T20:25:00.000-08:00

Tama nga sila. May pagka-gaga talaga ako. Im too trusting and I fall too fast. Kaya nga parati akong nasasaktan. I have so much love to give na kung kanino ko na lang binibigay. I guess liability ko un. Bigay nga ako ng bigay pero hindi ko naman alam kung na-aapreciate un nun guy. Tama gaga nga ako, parating nadadapa. May sugat pa nga pero go pa rin. Kaya ayan, nadoblehan pa ata galos ko. SAbi nga ng mga friends ko, I should love myself first. Pero di ako nakinig. Ayan, parati na lang akong heartbroken. Parang feeling ko hindi ako kumpleto kung wala akong boyfriend. It took me a gazillion of heartaches to realize that hindi pa pala ako ready. I’m not yet ready to commit. I guess its time for me to pick up the pieces and start rebuilding my life. Ayaw ko nang magpaka-gaga dahil lang sa lalaki. Being single isn’t that bad after all. I have all the time in world for myself and my friends. Slowly, I’m finding myself. Siguro kung magkakaboyfriend man ako I want him to be the last. Mahirap naman kasi kung mag-aaksaya ka lang ng oras para sa isang taong wala ka naman mapapala. SIguro when that time comes, I could say that Im really ready to commit. Ready to give my all. I have so much love to give and whoever he is, I’ll give all that love to him.

WITHERED ROSES

2004-10-20T06:52:00.000-07:00

I chanced upon him one sunny morning. I was walking on the field packed with wild flowers when I saw a figure near the tree. I was curious. "Who could that be?" I told myself. As I drew closer, I saw a boy. He is slightly older than me. I approached him and asked him what is he doing there. He just looked at me and smiled. No answer. He brushed his eyes into the heavens. I wondered what he is looking at so I sat beside him and looked at the sky. There was nothing special with that day. I didn’t see any shooting star or something extraordinary. The sky was plain blue with white clouds that looked like a million of cotton candies. I looked at him and asked him once again, "what are you doing here?" He smiled once again and he said, "I’m just enjoying this day." My face crumpled. I don’t understand. I thought that he is just wasting his time. "Enjoying?" I retorted. "yes," I’m even more confused. "how?" I asked him. He offered no answer to my inquisitive mind. He just smiled.

The next morning I returned to the field. I was admiring the wild flowers. Then I saw a single red rose. I wondered. How did that rose landed in the field of wild flowers. I opted not to think anymore. I was admiring it so much that I picked the flower and went to the tree and rest. "I want more of these," I said. I dug a hole and planted the flower. "It will not grow." It was a voice from behind. I looked behind me and I saw the boy that I talked to yesterday. I glared at him to my dismay. I saw him on crutches. I dared not to ask. He sat beside me. "let it dry first then get the seeds," he said. "Seeds? Can’t the flower grow by itself?" I asked shyly. "No, my dear. Let the flower dry first then get the seeds." he answered.
Patiently I waited for the flower to dry. Days passed and it seems forever. I want those roses already.

After a week I went back to the tree. I started digging a hole and planted the seeds. Surprisingly, the boy approached me. "Its been a week since I last saw you." I looked at him with much enthusiasm and said "I waited till the rose dried up." He smiled.
The next couple of days I forgot to water the seeds. I was worried sick that it might not live so I hurriedly went to the tree. I was surprised when I saw the boy watering my seeds. I was touched. I thanked him for the wonderful gesture. "I appreciate it, thanks," I said. "your welcome," the boy answered.

Months had passed and I can see that my seeds are growing. I was so happy. I thought that I’ll be able to have lots of roses when the plants bloom.
One afternoon I decided to visit my rose plants. I chanced upon him once again. But he was crying. I walked towards him, "what is the matter? Why are you crying?" He lifted his sad face and wiped his tears away. I know there is something bothering him but I guess he doesn’t want to tell me. It puzzles me why he is in crutches and why he is crying. I don’t know how to help him. I just sat beside him and offered him a hug. He looked at me and asked me to walk around the field. I enthusiastically stood and helped him to get up. We slowly walked together. "where do you live?" I asked. "In a place far away." I looked at him and saw tears coming from his eyes. "I’m lost," he said. "well, I could help you find your way back." "I don’t know if you could help me. I’m from a place far away from this town and I doubt it if you have traveled that far." He is right. The only place I know is my town. "If you find your way, can you take me with you? I want to go to your town too. Are there roses in your town?" I queried. "oh yes, there are a lot of roses in my town. There are tons of colors to choose from." My eyes grew bigger. I was excited to hear that. I love roses. "if ever you find your way home, will you get some seeds for me?" "Well, of course, I will do that," he replied. It was getting dark. We watched as the sun sets. I bid him goodbye.

The next day I went back to the tree and water my rose plants. Its getting taller everyday. The branches are starting to grow and the leaves were multiplying fast. The boy appeared again. "how’s your plants?" I smiled and told him that its getting taller. I was excited for it to bloom. He was happy for me. We walked again and when we rested he offered me a bread. It was so delicious that I almost finished the whole loaf. I was embarrassed when he looked at me with amazement as I swallowed. More than the bread, I enjoyed his company. Well, the bread is just a bonus.

Every morning we would meet up near the tree. We would water the plants and have a little talk. It was a rainy day when I noticed that there were already small rose buds at the tip of the branches. I was ecstatic, so does he. Finally, it bloomed into beautiful roses. No words could describe how happy I was. He felt it too. He was happy just the same. Amid it all, I still cannot understand his pain.

Days had passed and the sight of him was hopeless. I wanted to share with him the beauty of my roses. I wanted to tell him a lot of things. I want to hear his stories. Unfortunately, my waiting became futile.

It has been weeks since I last saw him. Just as the leaves began to fall and my roses started to wither- he appeared. I was happy to see him but I can no longer share with him my rose. It already dried up. "just as your roses, I, too, must go," he said. I was puzzled. "why?" I asked. "I must search for my way home," he answered. With a sad look on my face I hugged him. "Don’t you enjoy my company?" "Oh yes I do my sweet angel, but I have to go now. I cannot stay here forever." I retorted, "well, if you enjoy my company why do you have to go? Why do you have to leave me?" "There are some things that are best unsaid. I must go now. It was indeed a pleasure to know someone like you." A tear rolled down my check. "Rest your weary eyes. Don’t be sad. I will always be around. Just as the rose plant became a part of my life, you, too, became a big part of mine. I enjoyed taking care of you and your plants but, I must leave. I have a long road to travel." I was overwhelmed with what was happening. I’m saddened by the withering of my roses. I’m saddened by his departure.

The next morning I hurriedly went back to the fields. I ran toward the tree. I was hoping to catch him there. I waited for hours to no avail. There were no signs that he was coming. A tear rolled down my cheek. As the moon sets its light, I thought about him and hoped that he will be able to find his way home.

-THE END-

LOOKING FOR LOVE

2004-10-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

LOOKING FOR LOVE

I love the thought of being in love and being in that situation. I always love that ‘kilig’ feeling I get everytime I am with a guy. I don’t believe in courting. I just feel that everyrthing is so boxed and that a guy usually puts up a mask when he is trying to impress a girl. I don’t want to fall in love with the ‘character’ that he made. I want to fall in love with the real him. I guess you can say that I am a non-conformist. The whole ligaw thingie for me is so passé. This year I dated a lot of guys and quite frankly I enjoyed it. I enjoyed their company. I enjoyed their attention.
When I fall in love I give my 110%. I fall easily and I fall hard. I have the tendency of putting the guy at the center of my life. He is my everything and when the time he leaves me-everything is shattered. I talked to AJ about this. I was struck with the things he told me. He blurted, “You should not put guys at the center of your life, it’s a weak foundation. Instead, put Him at the center of your life.” Such strong words and at that time I promised myself to take his advice. But I didn’t. after how many months, got heartbroken again. I can’t count how many times I have been broken hearted this year, to tell you frankly, it came to a point that I grew tired of it already. I just don’t get it. Why can’t I find real happiness? More often than not, I end up being sad, depressed and alone. When will I find my prince? Better yet, will I ever find him?
--Oct.12,2204

UNSENT

2004-10-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

Note: this is just one of the many unsent letters that I keep in mah heart... this is for you.. whoever you are...

Dear You,

How can I forget about you if everytime I turn around I always see your face? Every time I sleep its you who I see in my dreams? Its too bad that we cannot be together. But even so , I still cherish all the times we spent together. You will always be in my heart. This is not yet goodbye but I guess I have to end this chapter of my life. I want to start a new one. I need to pick up the pieces and try to rebuild myself. Who knows what the future holds for us, but for now I wanna go on with my life without you. Always take care of yourself. No one can ever replace you in my heart. Thanks for everything.

Keep in touch.

Macky
Sept 24, 2004
1546H

HIM

2004-10-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

HIM
Sept 2004 2000H

I was inside the library trying to concentrate and study for my next class. The deafening silence caused me to stop and wonder for a while. There’s a lot of things going on in my mind that I just wanted to breakdown. Good thing I saw Jan. And I thought a lil chitchat would keep my sanity intact. I started talking to her about the things that was bothering me. She was really attentive and with a sad look on her face she said, “Macky,everything is gonna be alright. Things don’t always work the way you wanted it to be. You just have to accept it.” And it hit me. Reality sucks. Then she started talking about having faith in Him. It hit me again. That night I prayed. I asked for Him for peace of mind and guidance. I was never really spiritual but now I’m beginning to feel His presence in my life. But what I have realized is that He has always been there for me cause in every failure, every heartache and every struggle I face I still manage to pick up the pieces and continue moving on with my life.

teardrops

2004-10-19T15:46:00.000-07:00

TEARDROPS
1208h June 16, 2004

Ive fallen from my fears
Suppressed for the last hundred years
And in this madness I saw my life
Slowly loosing light
Heaven give me your hand
For I can no longer continue with this battle
I cant fight anymore
The harder I try
The weaker I get
The past can’t be undone
And I still carry this burden
Slowly I walk out of your shadow
And saw the lonely morning light
Hearing the whispers of my heart
This wound wont heal
This heart wont beat
And as I sink at your mercy
I want you to hear the voices
Calling my name
Heaven I need your hand
I have nowhere to run
Hear my pleas
Hear my cries
As I rest my head on this cold wall
I’ll let my heart stop beating
And keep the tears falling….